truthful tuesday: {what motherhood has taught me} pt.1

part one shall begin as thus:

“mother, i’m sorry…”

We all had that moment our first few weeks of college when we looked over at the pile Mt.McKinley [everyone always uses “Everest”…dare to be different, I say] of laundry and suddenly realize, “crap, guess I gotta do this. mom’s not here!” It’s a harrowing realization, but it vastly pales in comparison to that moment soon after you give birth to your firstborn and they’re screaming for the third hour in a row and you haven’t showered in 3 or more days and you forget the most basic things and wonder “i think i birthed my brain in that hospital too!” and think to yourself, “I need my mommy!!! what in the world did I sign up for?!?”

I quickly realized then and am forever reminded now of all the sacrifices my mother made for me. It hits you like nothing else…and you don’t expect it at first, but woah! And you can’t tagteam this thing either. There’s only one mother around here and you’re it! So mom, I’ve said it before, and I’m gonna say it again, I’m sorry for not helping out more when I lived at home. I’m sorry for arguing about stupid stuff like my bangs and insisting on wearing the same 2 outfits in a rotation fashion in fifth grade. I’m sorry for not volunteering to make dinner or to give you a weekly massage. I’m sorry for not daily telling you “thank you” and for not writing you love letters of amazingness.

“…grow a vagina”

One of my favorite quotes is from the Betty White: “Why do people say “Grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!”

Before I had children, I lacked in the assertiveness category. I would be pretty agreeable and meek. I still find my old self trying to peek through every now and again, but I beat her back down to submission. She’s knows her place now. I mean, I’m still the core essence of who I’ve always been just with a little mama bear in me. I guess you could say I did grow one. This is a good thing.

“laundry:the immortal”

I’ll conclude pt.1 with this…yes, I agree…laundry is such a blessing. Why? Because of the abundance of fabric we get the privilege of covering ourselves with. I do try so hard….so so so so so hard to look at every item as a happy blessing to handle 4 times from inserting it into the washer to last caress as I lie it in its proper space. It just never ends…never everevereverever. It’s why I’m so dead serious about moving to Fiji. To wear nature and never have to wash a stitch of clothing again! Banana leaves. Coconut shells. Hibiscus. That’s what’s up. But, alas, until then, I’ll slave away daily…..ah, laundry. you will never die. It’s the only thing that would keep this baby/child lovin’ mama from wanting more children. Just the laundry. That’s it. Nothing else would scare me. Nothing.

….to be continued….

Dear Baby Grace,

I think about you everyday. It’s been almost 5 years since I knew about your life. I knew something wasn’t right. Three positive tests. I was nervous. Apprehensive. I knew in my mother’s heart that I would never meet you on this earth. I was right. Just 8 days later I saw the proof that your tiny, brief life was over. You fulfilled your purpose in such a short time and I know the first face you saw was Jesus’s. It’s an odd feeling to know that even though I couldn’t feel you or become attached to you, that you are in heaven now waiting to meet your family. I love you. I know you are there welcoming all of the other babies into heaven….you probably love them all just like I do. Just because you only lived 6 weeks doesn’t mean you didn’t have a soul or a purpose. But I know you know that. Your life is a complete mystery to me except for the fact that I know you lived and are alive with Jesus. I always had a feeling that you are a girl though….just like I had with both your brothers and sister.

I know of other mothers who can’t wait to meet their children they never got to meet or raise just like I can’t wait to meet you. There are mothers that have had miscarriages, stillbirths, and abortions that long to see their babies. You remind me that every life is precious, unique, has a soul, has a purpose, and is important to God. God created every life at conception. He loves the little children and they are the ones who will inherit His kingdom. (Matthew 19:14)

On this day, the 39th anniversary of the Roe v.Wade decision to make the slaughter of the unborn in this country a legal practice, let’s think of not only the children that weren’t able to serve their purpose here on earth, but their mothers. If you’ve ever had an abortion, please know that God loves you and forgives you. He wants you to live in the freedom of His love and mercy and there is hope for those who love Him to meet their child/children one day in Glory. I pray that this time next year, there won’t be a 40th anniversary, instead we can celebrate that abortion is illegal and that all children will be given a chance at life. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

I am Alicia Rebecca Eggers. I am 28 years old. I am a child of God. A wife. A daughter. A sister. A granddaughter. A friend. A soul. A life. A purpose. A musician. A writer. An activist. A dancer. A giver. A dreamer. An encourager. A creator. An inventor. A teacher. A slave for Christ.

A mother of four. [every life is precious. choose life.]

flash!back friday

some of my favorite things from my childhood…80’s style.

Picture Pages

I loooooooooved Picture Pages with Bill Cosby. I always wanted that marker and the squeaky sounds that only it could make. I wonder if they sell them on ebay…I would so bid.

Rainbow Brite

She was my hero. I cannot say how much I loved her. My dreamy-headed self loved how she lived in the clouds and made rainbow bridges on command. Simply amazing.

Quints

BEST TOY EVERRRRR! My sister and I played with these NON-STOP! They had every accessory that you could imagine! And, of course, I loved it ’cause they were quints….it feed my fascination for multiples and large quantities of children.

Jellies 

Who cares if these shoes gave you blisters the size of Montana, made your feet sweat so much you could water your garden, and let every piece of dirt and gravel in so you might as well been not wearing shoes at all! These shoes are classic. They even look appetizing in all their jelly-ness. And I can’t wait until I can buy Avery a pair or five.

Skip-It 

I know these are still around…they are aren’t they?….but it was the best outdoor toy…not to mention you burned a trillion calories trying to beat your previous scores over and over and over again. In fact, I wish I still had mine to help me drop 30.

Barbie Townhome

This toy makes me tear up. I played with this as much as I breathed…it was to the right of my door as you walked into my room. The elevator was “elevated” by a pull string and Barbie always got stuck between the floors, ’cause with those heels she cant stand up worth a damn and always fell to the side as she was descending…hence getting her head wedged between the floors like a vice. I don’t even know why I bothered with the elevator except who has an elevator in their HOUSE? That was beyond cool to me. Oh, how I miss thee, fabulous townhome. I swear, I am buying everything that was anything to me from my childhood for Avery. There has to be another on like it out there. And she shall have it.

 

 

Avery’s half-birthday

Dear Sweet Daughter,

It’s hard to believe that one year ago, you were 8 weeks new in my body…your life so miraculous and delicate. Your body no larger than my fingernail. It still makes me cry when I think about how wonderfully made you and your big brothers are. And that 6 months ago you couldnt eat….IVs and feeding tubes inserted and removed more than once and now youre our 16lb.bundle of happy squishiness!

Did you know that Jesus made you just for Him? You are the only baby girl like you in the whole world…in all of history. He made you to display His glory…for you to live to give your life to Him. He loves you incredibly more than we as humans can ever comprehend. He died for you, and that’s the most important thing I can ever teach you, Avery. My prayer is that, like your [biggest] brother, Hunter, that you will ask Him into your heart at a young age. I pray everyday for you, Carter, and Hunter to make a great impact on this world for Him. That you won’t be lovers of yourselves, but lovers of others…and to sacrifice everything for Him.

You have brought so much joy to our home!! I know that this year as you learn how to eat, crawl, walk, run, talk, say “No!” [lol], and discover everything that being a older baby and toddler brings you, that you will have so much fun doing it. Your big brothers love you so much and they can’t wait until you can chase them around and get into all sorts of adventures with them! Your daddy and I are so blessed to have our two boys and now our girl. I am so grateful to God that He allowed us the privilege of being your parents. What an honor! You are not burdens, but blessings. You are all important to God, and have a special job to further His kingdom. May you and your brothers do all you can do to leave this world in a better place than when you came into it because you lived always to make Him smile. I love you, sweet, sweet baby. You’re my dream come true.

love forever, mama

and now for the {real} 6 month photo shoot::::{click to make larger}

Media<3monday

My brother Aric has impeccable taste in music. His cloud on Amazon is filled with a buffet of yummy deliciousness….he even shared some of his faves with me and I must concur….pure, sweet joy.

The Civil Wars: “Barton Hollow”

After I had a brief argument with him about the Christian artist Joy Williams not being half of this amazing duo, I did eat my words. And I was enlightened to a new form of loveliness that is the Civil Wars. Please watch their “Poison and Wine” video on youtube. It is so, so good.

Crazy^love by Francis Chan

I havent read it all yet, but I dont need to to tell you you must read this book. Thinking about the love God has for us in its most basic form, is just plain crazy. But its the best love story there ever was and you’re in the center of it all. Go to www.crazylove.com and watch the videos he has posted. The one about the sheer girth of the universe is humbling at best.

I also read Heaven is for Real by Todd and Colton Burpo this weekend. Wow….page.turner. Thats all I can say. Just read it.

And finally, if you’re looking for some amazing sounds, sans lyrics, then you gotta check out “Explosions in the Sky”. Purely brilliant. www.explosionsinthesky.com

So thanks, brother, for enhancing my life once again. Now hurry back. I miss you.

thankful/thoughtful thursday: boring, but saved.

Don’t ask me to give my testimony. Please don’t ask me….it’s so dull. What could anybody possibly gain by hearing my boring, pure, dull 3 min.schpiel…it’s short and to the point. Nothing juicy to report here…..

I used to think this all the time until my final year of college. We had to give our testimonies in church sometimes growing up, sometimes in AWANA, sometimes in school since I always went to a Christian school, and of course, during college. I was a Spiritual Life Director with my best friend my last year there and even then, I felt completely inadequate for the job. I can’t relate to anyone except for Ms. Goody Goody Gumdrops with no track record, like myself. What was it that Kate Gosselin referred herself to after she ditched Jon? Was it “Clean Slate Kate”? Yeah, that was me, minus the Kate part.

Never did anything that would be under the “juicy” description such as drugs or alcohol. Wasn’t from a broken home. Never had anything creepy or questionable ever happen to me. Wasn’t promiscuous. Didn’t party. Didn’t do anything greatly abhorrent but maybe go months without reading my Bible and one time when I was 5 years old I got my mouth washed out with soap for saying, “Oh MY GOD!” in the bathtub…so I never swore again…well, I wouldn’t say EVER again…

Let’s see, I did a lot of fighting with my sissy, Amber over clothes…but who doesn’t do that with their little sister? She blatantly would sneak into my closet and steal whatever she liked when I was occupied elsewhere…yes, I would be angry! It’s justified! 😉 Worst thing I ever did….maybe?….was make-out with Mike at the Lynchburg Airport when he came to visit….it was fun and completely affordable. $1 gets you in….better than seeing a $1 movie at Movies 10 any day! . =) (this was a big deal because “unmarried” kissing while attending Liberty is a “no-no” and this would’ve be punishable by maybe 6-18 reprimands….I can’t remember exactly.)

back to the point….

So why would anyone want to hear my testimony?  well, one of my wise friends from college so kindly put it, “it’s because God saved you from all those things that you described! And, most of all, He saved you from an eternity away from Him!” I thought about this….of course! I might not have that kind of juicy testimony that may bring everyone to tears by the end, but I am saved! “Boring?” But saved!

I also know that everyday I am alive, my testimony gets a little bit bigger. My testimony isn’t just before, during, and after I asked Jesus to save my soul…but it’s in the way I go about my day, the way I speak to others, my countenance, my love. He has saved me from a lot of potential heartache and I am very thankful to have grown up in the atmosphere I did. I also am not immune to heartache though and have had my share. He is constantly speaking to me, showing me how He needs to stretch me and make me do what He wants me to do!!! (I hate that I can still be so hardheaded sometimes.) But I’m fully human [a sinner] and fully saved [a saint] and completely, fully loved by my Creator! And I will walk as a living testimony to His goodness, His faithfulness, His promises until my final breath, whenever that may be. Until then, I have 3 little testimonies walking around outside my heart that are only borrowed to show others His glory and I must not fail. They are my greatest calling yet. They are to share His love to the next generation and my greatest desire is for them to leave such a mark on this world, that the world misses their being here.

2 Timothy 1:8 “So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don’t be ashamed of me, either, even though I’m in prison for Him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News.”

what I think about [this] wednesday

Just finished reading these today:

[Hunger Games Series]

If you want to read something that will make you ignore everything else around you, grab you by the toosh, and basically make you want to scream, cry, and have a heartattack, then I invite you to read these books….that is, if you are one of the few that haven’t. I don’t think I’ve ever been more into a series before, and yet I couldn’t wait until it was over too. It’s intense…well, wait….it’s overwhelming. Definitely an easy read….meaning: it isn’t over your head and it flows nicely…aside from that, it’s not easy to read…meaning: the plot is nail-biting to say the least. It took me 2 weeks from start to finish and although I read quickly, I do have my normal life with 3 kids to fit in there so it took a bit longer than I wanted it to which made for many frustrating moments that I just wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and read on the toilet for hours…which I did NOT do, but it crossed my mind more than once.

[Chicco 360 table seat]

This chair is my fave. I cannot sing it’s praises enough! Space saver=check, aesthetically pleasing=check, practical=super check, well made=check, check. If I wasn’t a Graco mom, I would be a Chicco mom. Maybe I can be both….I think I shall be.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Pretty tired. Pretty much brain dead. I promise I’ll do better tomorrow.  

 

truthful tuesday: working for what?

My brother Aric has wisdom beyond his mere 21 years should allow. But the cool thing that I’ve learned about life is that age doesn’t necessarily constitute wisdom…common sense, maybe, but not always wisdom. Godly wisdom can make even the youngest of believers more mature than most adults.

He had a good point recently about what our perspective as Christians should be. Americans do seem to try their best to get “ahead”, working tirelessly sometimes just to build up that 401k, to get their pensions and “collect” during the last few years of life. Are we really supposed to just stop working and do whatever we want in our final chapter here on earth? I don’t think we have the right idea.

God doesn’t want us to be in debt to any man because He knows it hinders us from pouring into His kingdom. We wish we could give the thousands we give each month to a mortgage and student loans to those in need. Wow, imagine if everyone could do that….what a radical change this world would see. And instead of coasting along in our final years, to go out with a BANG! To die knowing that I finished strong!!! And aren’t we supposed to live that way anyway? Since we are never promised tomorrow anyway, what have we done today to show Jesus to the world?

All I know is that I don’t want to be embarrassed someday not having enough to lay back down at His feet. I could always do more. I pray that I will have complete restlessness…to never settle and be found lazy. We don’t really have time to “rest” down here….that will come later on when we can rest in the glory of His presence. I hope that if he gives me 100 years that on my last day here I wont be found wishing I had done more. I hope that I’m busy and proud that I have lived…truly LIVED!

The greatest secret [that’s really not-so-secret] to happiness in life is to lose it. And it’s perplexing to think about it if you’ve never given up control of your life, but it’s seriously the only real way to happiness. Stop living for you. Stop caring what people think about what you look like, what you drive, where you live, what’s in your bank account and just do the best with what Jesus has given you and live to make Him smile and you will [without a doubt] have the best life imaginable. Because by giving your life away, you gain everything.

I think Jesus said it best [naturally]:) 

“To Find Your Life You Must Lose It”

Matthew 16:24-28

So, don’t get too comfortable here. [We can’t take any of this with us anyway.] And live for the One who paid it all.

{media} monday.

I bought this album last week and I looooove it. It was on itunes for only $6.99 and I have no idea as to why….as it’s not “discount” material. I also found the music video for it as well which is really swell and listed below in the title link.

Florence and the Machine “Shake it Out”

So, in case you were never aware before, one of my biggest dreams is to be in a music video. In college, everytime I would walk to class alone, I would have some amazing tune running thru my head and just go with the beat. I would pretend that I was starring in my own music video. I love having a soundtrack to my life and I wish there was background music playing constantly. Please call me if you know of anyone making a music video and I’ll be happy to crash the set.

Tomorrow is a bittersweet day. It’s the release of The David Crowder Band’s final album. So in honor of them, I will post my favorite music video which also happens to be theirs….DCB “Shine” and if you only have time to view one of these music videos, please choose this one. There is no comparison to the amazingness between these videos. David Crowder wins everytime.

  please buy this album tomorrow…I’m sure you won’t regret it.

Pinterest-ing Saturday

I am scared of Pinterest and what it could do to me. I am afraid I could get sucked into its quicksand and die all lonely completely “pinned” out. So I’ve tried my darndest to stay away but keep my toe in the water a bit just to have access to it. With my recent separation with facebook….well, separation in this case would be a drastic decrease in my presence and having gone whole days without so much as a glance at my feed….I figure I have a bit of time to some Pinterest my interests.

http://www.pinterest.com/sweetmonkeybunz/

My favorite pin thus far? Its a toss up between the little “Up!” boy and those chocolate peanut butter graham cracker bars of amazingness.

[I did try my hand at a little pinterest project of my own today….I’m so tired of Miss Averys hands being ice cubes at 5am when I go to feed her. You see, she looooves shoving her left fist inbetween the mattress and crib slat and so when I go to feed her her tiny hands shock me into a “okay! I’m up!” state. Almost as if she is saying, “Well, mom, if you weren’t awake before, you sure are now!” So I took a pair of old baby boy socks and cut a tiny hole in the side of each to make mittens for her…the hole being for her sacred thumb so she has full access to it. It didnt work out as planned. She verbally told me I was nuts and ended up eating the sock. So there goes my first official original pin. :/]

pics of my unacceptable attempt at helping my precious daughter keep her hands warm at night….:/

It also took me an hour, 2 phone calls, and 3 online attempts to order pizza tonight. I’m losing it….rofl!!